


human enough to be loved

by insertcleveracejoke



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Fluff, Getting Together, Growth, Kinda. Theyre getting there, M/M, POV Killua Zoldyck, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27084928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertcleveracejoke/pseuds/insertcleveracejoke
Summary: You used to think Gon was light.Gracing you with his presence, he was the sunlight slipping in through a window you had never thought to close, warming your skin and welcoming you home. You used to think he was a meteor- there and already gone when you saw him. He was something to wish on. He was someone to wish for.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	human enough to be loved

You used to think Gon was light.

Gracing you with his presence, he was the sunlight slipping in through a window you had never thought to close, warming your skin and welcoming you home. You used to think he was a meteor- there and already gone when you saw him. He was something to wish on. He was someone to wish for. 

And you had so little you wished for, but the things you wanted, you wanted with a hunger that was bone-deep and needy, an animal starving for love and willing to kill and die for it. To be allowed to stay by his side, always. To maybe be allowed to hold his hand.

Your ribcage felt as if it was going to split open with all of your longing, back then. Surely your human body could not fit this much want? Humans had been given canines for a reason, and you wanted to sink yours into Gon's flesh, as if you could claim a person by devouring them whole. You wanted to be devoured.

That was years ago. It is a nice thought you allow yourself- that you've grown now. The same hunger lives underneath your skin and between your teeth. You've just gotten better at pretending it's not there.

Gon turns to smile at you, now, and it's still the sun coming out from behind the clouds.

He's still a child. You're both fifteen, gangly and uncoordinated when you're not fighting, limbs fighting for space as if you have to apologize for existing with every step you take. The few inches Gon had on you the last time you visited have been claimed back by your latest growth spurt- thank god. It felt unnatural to be shorter than him.

Gon pouts, still, when the reason for you both to be here ends. It's just a festival you had both been contracted to watch over, the fact that you're friends a mere coincidence. Alluka will be expecting you home soon. He knows that, and so he doesn't whine out loud.

It doesn't make that much of a difference when his disgruntlement is so clear on his face. You still appreciate the thought.

The dying light of the sun bathes you both in warmth. The stone floor you're sitting on is no longer cold as it had been this morning, and you both bask in the busy sounds of people bustling around to dismantle the many stands and clean up the mess. Gon swings his legs in the water of the river, child that he is, and the droplets steal some warmth from your skin. It'll be too cold soon. It's not now, so you don't complain.

There are ribbons and confetti in Gon's hair still; you don't think you'll tell him.

"You'll be going home soon, right?"

You hum. "Alluka will be expecting me in a week."

His perking up is obvious even though you're still not looking at him. The sunset is bathing the river in warm colors; you wish you knew how to paint.

If you could, if you were able to, you'd capture this moment on a canvas forever. Just you and Gon watching the sunset side by side, legs swinging inside the water, still sweaty and tired from a day of work. You see each other so rarely now. 

"I thought it'd be sooner!!" Gon exclaims, grinning. It's hard to look at him, but even harder not to look- pink tints his pale brown cheeks a lovely color. "You still have time!"

"For what?"

"I don't know. I was planning on visiting the forest a few days from here, since apparently they have harpies! I'd like to see them, I think."

"You're inviting me?" It's obvious, but the hungry part of you wants the confirmation to feast on.

"Yeah! I'd like you there with me, Killua."

The monster inside of you cracks the sentence open like a bone, sucking the marrow out. It's still not enough. It'll never be.

The twelve years old Gon had known would have said yes immediately. Of course he'd go. How could he not follow every brilliant trace of the star he had dedicated his days too? You like to think you've grown, though. In too many ways you're the same. 

"Thanks, but I don't feel like travelling more right now," you tell him. It's the truth. You're bone tired- even if the monster that lives inside your ribcage howls that you could force yourself to take it.

Gon shrugs. "That's fine. I could escort you back home?"

And that's- a surprise, actually. Maybe you're not the only one who's grown.

As a gift, you allow yourself to imagine it. The two of you going home together again- to your home, instead of his, for once. His warm presence by your side. The solidness of his body in your bed in the morning as the birds began to sing.

Alluka would like to see him.  _ You  _ would like to keep him. You hadn't dared ask, but- but this isn't asking. It's giving. That's always come easy to you.

"Yeah," you say, barely hearing yourself above your smile. "That sounds nice, actually."

Gon grins at you, and he's not the sun. He's just a boy who likes you. He's flesh and bone and nen, and it's suddenly not that scary to reach out and take his hand in yours.

So you do.

The blush on his face is fiercer than before, tinting even the tips of his ears red, but he smiles and turns his hand so that his calloused fingers can intertwine with yours. 

His hand is not soft. You hadn't expected it to be. His palm is rough, and scarred, and more importantly, more real than any of your fantasies. The weight of his hand on yours is an anchor keeping you from floating away. 

It doesn't feel like riding the tail of a meteor. It just feels like holding a cute boy's hand, and you have never felt so lucky.

The monster hasn't disappeared. A part of you still wants to open Gon's ribcage wide and make a nest in between his lungs, his beating heart in your hands, but you're just now realizing that- maybe you're already holding his heart. Maybe you always have.

You don't say any of that today. But now you know you will. 

  
  



End file.
